Tuesday, December 16, 2014

The Heart of Darkness in Barnes & Noble or The Ramblings of a Mad Man

I'm in my last quarter at Robert Morris University, and I am taking a Literary Analysis class. I enjoy reading and opening my mind. I like challenging and relating ideas and concepts, and I also like to have a good time, especially with the arts. 

What follows is an email I sent to my literary professor about the challenges I encountered in my attempt to obtain a copy of Heart of Darkness by Joseph Conrad in such short notice. 

Ciao Louis!
You might find this amusing. I certainly did.
Today I went to Barnes & Noble to pick up a copy of Heart of Darkness in hopes of reading it sometime tomorrow or Thursday. I walked in with high hopes filling my heart so much so that a quirky smile was squeezed out from the top of it as I walked in. I've been wanted to read this book for awhile, and what better opportunity could I ask for then to read it for school credit.
As I pulled open the mammoth doors with ease thanks to the easy-flow hydraulic hinges a copy of National Geographic's Guide to National State Parks immediately caught my eye as I passed through the breezeway. Thoughts of adventurous hikes through the day, campfires with friends at night, and early morning rises with campfire coffee filled my thoughts as I glided past the Nook troll. As she attempted to avoid eye contact I zeroed in on her with my laser eyes, and through a shit eating grin I shouted out, "Good morning!" This forced a smile on her wretched face, and a mumbled response through gritted teach. "Good morning" she spit back as if prompted by cattle prods charged with memories of her childhood dog's death. I simply kept walking.
I made it past the horseless cavalcade of Christmas gifts, unless of course you count the book about horses, and arrived at my destination; the heart of darkness, the centrally located main help desk. I quietly waited as a long sinewy man in a trampled tan trench coat inquired about Robert Ludlum serial. I eyeballed the mountains of plastic doodads wrapped in more suffocating plastic, and started to feel a bit like Laura Palmer. Just before the waves of Christmas cheer could wash over me another portly book keeper emerged from the center and with her words, "can I help you?" she pulled me from the sea of jolly tidings before it's pomp could pound me.
"Yes! I am looking for a copy of Heart of Darkness," I gleefully replied. My jovial response was prompted by the earwig of plastic celebration swimming around me. For a moment I thought about how odd it may have looked to a passerby to see someone with such a happy disposition requesting such a tome of human despair and desperation. Then I realized there wasn't anything I could do about it. So I swung my head around slowly with a big smile and scanned for any witnesses. No one was around. I'm assuming the plastic sea of joy had taken them all away.
The help desk attendant swung around to the council like so much Jabba the hut sliding about, and after pulling her glasses down to scan the terminal presented me with a grimace of doubt.
"I'm sorry. It's not in the store. We'd have to order one," she sneered with a smile that could swallow a snake.
"Really? Not a single copy in the store?" I shot back with perplexity coupled with a cocked eyebrow.
"Well..." she doled out. Her pause hung with hope like the emergence of the north star on a cloudy night while I drifted along the windless abyss. Then like a fart in the elevator I was smothered with disgust when followed up with, "nope."
Like an emerging volcanic island in a complacent sea I fumed... quietly... to myself. Then I thanked her for her time, and quickly discharged myself from the disheartening foundation posing as a bookstore.
I spit the bad taste out of my mouth as I made my way to my car where I knew my engine would rev with comparative contempt. Sure enough, it did. Then I drove to the school in hopes of finding the book in the library. I had forgotten about the library being closed due to water damage over the summer. No access. Any books would have to be ordered from another campus.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that I had to order my books via amazon, and they should be here in a couple of days. So, don't be surprised if my assignment isn't turned in until Sunday.

I hope you enjoyed my playful musings. 

As always there is more to come...

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