The Heart of Darkness in Barnes & Noble or The Ramblings of a Mad Man

I'm in my last quarter at Robert Morris University, and I am taking a Literary Analysis class. I enjoy reading and opening my mind. I like challenging and relating ideas and concepts, and I also like to have a good time, especially with the arts. 

What follows is an email I sent to my literary professor about the challenges I encountered in my attempt to obtain a copy of Heart of Darkness by Joseph Conrad in such short notice. 

Ciao Louis!

You might find this amusing. I certainly did.

Today I went to Barnes & Noble to pick up a copy of Heart of Darkness in hopes of reading it sometime tomorrow or Thursday. I walked in with high hopes filling my heart so much so that a quirky smile was squeezed out from the top of it as I walked in. I've been wanted to read this book for awhile, and what better opportunity could I ask for then to read it for school credit.

As I pulled open the mammoth doors with ease thanks to the easy-flow hydraulic hinges a copy of National Geographic's Guide to National State Parks immediately caught my eye as I passed through the breezeway. Thoughts of adventurous hikes through the day, campfires with friends at night, and early morning rises with campfire coffee filled my thoughts as I glided past the Nook troll. As she attempted to avoid eye contact I zeroed in on her with my laser eyes, and through a shit eating grin I shouted out, "Good morning!" This forced a smile on her wretched face, and a mumbled response through gritted teach. "Good morning" she spit back as if prompted by cattle prods charged with memories of her childhood dog's death. I simply kept walking.

I made it past the horseless cavalcade of Christmas gifts, unless of course you count the book about horses, and arrived at my destination; the heart of darkness, the centrally located main help desk. I quietly waited as a long sinewy man in a trampled tan trench coat inquired about Robert Ludlum serial. I eyeballed the mountains of plastic doodads wrapped in more suffocating plastic, and started to feel a bit like Laura Palmer. Just before the waves of Christmas cheer could wash over me another portly book keeper emerged from the center and with her words, "can I help you?" she pulled me from the sea of jolly tidings before it's pomp could pound me.

"Yes! I am looking for a copy of Heart of Darkness," I gleefully replied. My jovial response was prompted by the earwig of plastic celebration swimming around me. For a moment I thought about how odd it may have looked to a passerby to see someone with such a happy disposition requesting such a tome of human despair and desperation. Then I realized there wasn't anything I could do about it. So I swung my head around slowly with a big smile and scanned for any witnesses. No one was around. I'm assuming the plastic sea of joy had taken them all away.

The help desk attendant swung around to the council like so much Jabba the hut sliding about, and after pulling her glasses down to scan the terminal presented me with a grimace of doubt.

"I'm sorry. It's not in the store. We'd have to order one," she sneered with a smile that could swallow a snake.

"Really? Not a single copy in the store?" I shot back with perplexity coupled with a cocked eyebrow.

"Well..." she doled out. Her pause hung with hope like the emergence of the north star on a cloudy night while I drifted along the windless abyss. Then like a fart in the elevator I was smothered with disgust when followed up with, "nope."

Like an emerging volcanic island in a complacent sea I fumed... quietly... to myself. Then I thanked her for her time, and quickly discharged myself from the disheartening foundation posing as a bookstore.

I spit the bad taste out of my mouth as I made my way to my car where I knew my engine would rev with comparative contempt. Sure enough, it did. Then I drove to the school in hopes of finding the book in the library. I had forgotten about the library being closed due to water damage over the summer. No access. Any books would have to be ordered from another campus.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I had to order my books via amazon, and they should be here in a couple of days. So, don't be surprised if my assignment isn't turned in until Sunday.

Ciao!

I hope you enjoyed my playful musings. 

As always there is more to come...

~3

The Ramblings of Living a Life Exposed

Living life exposed to the world can often lead to pain and suffering. Pain from breathing in so deeply of everything the world has to offer, and suffering from knowing that even though all of it is beautiful and fruitful you can't have it all. 

An exposed life is excruciatingly honest because it reveals not only who you are, but because you present the truest form of yourself to the world you receive the truest reactions. 

You're forever fragile until you choose to harden, but hardening is nothing more than developing a callus. It's all dancing and laughter until the blister arrives. Afterwards you live with the pain of that blister. You tiptoe around to avoid irritating it, or you leap in like a war weary medic only to rip it asunder. How you handle it is up to you, but afterwards the callus is there to protect you from that pain again. Not that you won't try. God knows you have plenty of exposed life left without a callus. 

An exposed life is filled with ups and downs, joy and sorrow, thrills and spills, love and loss, but in the end it is never boring. 

The biggest thing to remember is to keep moving for if you stop so does your life. We're all like walking plants eternally growing branches. If we sit then those branches reach into the ground where we are, and comfortably root us into our spot. However, if we keep moving those branches wrap around us, and stretch out making us bigger than we ever imagined. Keep branching out. Keep moving. Help others do the same.

~3

Carving the Stone: When the Time Comes the Time Comes (Part 1 of Forever)

A year ago today the most beautiful person I've ever met flew out of my life yet I wasn't sad. I was hopeful. I knew that even though she was gone I would see her again. At the time I didn't know when or how, but I knew there was some strange cosmic connection between us that I couldn't ignore. 

The year to follow was a roller coaster of love, loss, and life changes. 

We spent the next couple of months emailing, then Facebooking, then Skyping every day, sometimes up to four hours at a time. We talked and opened up to each other, yet we never felt bored or uninterested in anything we had to say. It was like reaching to shake someone's hand and stepping into them. At times we would Skype, and I would leave the room only to hear her from the computer in the other room. It felt like she was just in the other room, even though she was half a world away. Later on, with the help of Viber we were able to talk on the phone together. 

I remember the first time we did. We had Skyped numerous times, and one would think that video and audio would trump just audio any day. However, the clarity of our voices through the audio dedicated communication shocked us both. It felt as if we were laying right next to each other once again. After hours and hours of talking previously the first time we heard each other talk via Viber we were speechless. It was as if we could hear each others' hearts opening up, and words weren't needed. There was literally large gaps of silence with tears. Every time she spoke my heart swelled to bursting. We spent that first conversation in silence, and basking in the delight that we existed in this crazy world that allowed us to explore our connection even though we were 7,000 km apart. 

My heart has yet to connect with another living being as wholly, intensely, honestly, and purely as it has with her. I'm not ashamed of that or afraid that I never will connect with another person, even though it hasn't happened yet. 

That summer was filled with work, friends, art, and her. It was an amazing summer. One of the craziest I've had in quite a long time. A summer filled with drinks, dancing, boating, balconies, pillow forts, dreams, sunrises, love, and goodbyes. In the end the universe heard my desire to meet her again, and through a strange happenstance I found myself with the cash and the time to visit.... So I did. 


As always there is more to come...

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For quite some time now I feel like I've been bursting with stories from my life that I'm aching to share with the world. However, I have felt silenced by something; maybe myself or something else. Well not anymore! I'm going to break that silence by shouting into the abyss of the internet. Carving the Stone will be this out pour of braindroppings. Some tragic, some ridiculous, and some too insane to believe, but all beautiful. These stories aren't polished, edited, or refined in anyway. (Trust me. It'll show.) I'll simply open up my head, and pour them out through my fingertips for all the world to see. I want to develop my writing skills, and I feel the best way to do that is to just start writing. 

Eventually I'll collect these and develop, edit, and transform them into something finer. However, for the time being I'll share my raw thoughts and emotions here. It'll no doubt be clumsy and foolish all the while gently disguising something amazing; kind of like the first time you had sex. So please pardon my blandness as I fall back into writing. These are all stories that have helped shape who I am today. They will no doubt grow and in turn, by sharing them, will shape me once again. Hold on to your butts. Here we go!  

~3

Form-free Brain Droppings

No edits. Free thought. Free form.

It's been a crazy week and weekend, as is most of my life.  I wouldn't trade it for anything. My emotions ran a wide gamut this weekend, and spurned the need to write. I do a lot of work, but I feel my thoughts sometimes get buried. I needed a thought dump, and I wanted to share said dump. ;)

I want to be burned by the sun.
I want to be chapped by the wind.
I want to be scared by the night.
I want to be saved by the day.
I want my breathe, my mind, my body to be taken away in moments of awe.
I want my hair to change with the seasons.
I want the world to scar me.
I want life to char me.
I want to work til exhaustion for all the right reasons.
I want my long hours of seemingly tedious and monotonous creativity to bring forth a joy in one, ten,           hundred, thousand, millions of others. 
I want that work to generate a single thought amongst everyone that experiences it. 
I want that thought to be infused with positivity and goodwill. 
I want that thought to root itself deep inside, and twist the tree of the mind.
I want that thought to bear fruit of change.
I want that thought to comfort you when times are hard.
I want to suffer for that work because I know I can take it.
I want to experience this world and this life without restriction or hesitation.
I want to share it all with you.

I'm ready to move. 
I'm ready to see.
I'm ready to write.
I'm all ready to be.
I'm ready to dance.
I'm ready to give.
I'm ready to taste.
I'm all ready to live.

Let me be your medium, life.
Let me be your conduit, world.

Shape me.
Sculpt me.
Change me.
Break me.
Show me.
Make me.
Burn me.
Scar me.
Guide me.

Guide me.

As always there is more to come...

~3

Seeking A Helping Hand

So, here's my situation at the moment. I'm in the states, and I'm going to school for graphic arts. I recently had the great fortune to visit Germany, and stay with the most amazing woman I've ever met, and meet some amazing new friends. Even though things don't always go as planned I want to go back, but I do admit I'm a bit at a loss. 

"Why Germany?", you may ask. Well, other than the breath-taking views, rich culture, fantastic food, great beer, fantastic people, I have ancestry there. I'm also aching in my heart to get out of the states, and see all that the world has to offer. I want to take in everything I can, and put it out into my art while at the same time helping anyone I can with the skills and know-how that I have. I want to walk where I came from, and then see where the world takes me. 

I'm in talks with the head of the school's graphic arts program that is also head of the study abroad program about how to find work in Germany after I graduate. It's been a rough couple of months since my return, but I'm rising above it and trudging through with hard work and perseverance. My plan is to freshen up my work from every quarter in school, and develop a presentable working portfolio to offer companies in Germany, and start applying for jobs while I'm in school in hopes of securing a position upon graduation in February 2015. If anyone knows of any companies that would be interested in a native English speaking, German learning graphic artist, or any position please contact me so that I may start presenting myself to them. Any and all help would be much appreciated, and I would be forever grateful for your kindness. Have a great super bowl Sunday, folks!

~3

A Sketchy Update

Hey hey hey! I'm back again with a couple of things to announce. One, these past few weeks have led to a bit of a depression, and with the help of a couple of amazing friends I was able to recognize it and snap out of it. Ever since then I've been pretty damned productive. 

In the pipeline I have quite a few things going on. I'm working on a painting for the wonderful Sherry whom allowed me to stay an extra week in Germany with the most beautiful woman in the world. I am working on an overdue Magic: The Gathering play mat for a friend. Those two are the big current ones. On top of them I'm still working on this webcomic, and I had a friend approach me about designing the logo for their game con, and possibly spear-heading the marketing for it as well. I'm pretty excited about that aspect, but if it doesn't happen I have plenty of other projects to do as well. I have friends asking for a painting depicting a scene from Scott Pilgrim vs the World, Jónsi Birgisson from Sigur Rós, and The Animaniacs. I also have a drawing series and a personal painting I'd like to do. However, the lack of job means lack of funds, and lack of funds means slow down of work when I run out of supplies. I've been spending a lot of my time on school and looking for a job, now that I'm not so down in my dumps. 

I'll be posting updates as projects move forward, and anything else I spit out creatively. I've been doing a lot of web design stuff for class, and am enjoying being inside that big slutty Photoshop. She's good as long as you keep plugging things into her. I'll no doubt post some school work soon. 

In the meantime here are a couple of sketches I did. Nothing big, but I'm getting back into drawing on a regular basis as well as painting. This one is just me playing with shapes and shades, and a bit of texture. 

This next one is a sketch I did of the character Jamie Skinner from the movie "I Declare War". If you haven't seen this movie yet, you should. You should if you enjoy skewing that line between make-believe and reality set within a war scenario. The characters are fleshed out and quirky, the action is engrossing, the humor pops in and out like so many bullets whizzing by your head. The themes and tones connected to each character gives them charm and substance. Imagine "Lord of the Flies" but set to a game of capture the flag in the woods with powerful imaginations and strict rules of warfare. I had the good fortune to watch this movie today with the beautiful Mairine, and we both thoroughly enjoyed it. Anyway, I found this character particularly intriguing. I sketched this out during the film. It certainly isn't finished, but I may have plans for a graphic design incorporating blood drop fades and a skull in the background formed out of tree branches. I don't particularly have the time to diddle with it right now, but if I need a break I may see what I can do. I enjoyed the characters from the film so much that I started conjuring up ideas for character posters or cards utilizing themes from their characters and their actions throughout the design. 

~3

Gobble Gobble

I'm back in the states (more to come on the trip back soon) and it's Thanksgiving. So, with a little bit of time I had this morning I scratched out this phone creation, meaning I created the entire thing on my phone using a couple of paint programs. 

Enjoy! 

Now commence the stuffing!

~3

A List From Germany

It's my last day here in Germany, and I'm doing some last minute packing, cleaning, thinking, and writing post cards. I had initially planned to stay five weeks here, but with the help of some spectacular friends it has been six weeks. As I sit on my last morning I started going over the list things I've done since I've been here, and I thought for my records and possibly your curiosity I'd share them with you.

So, in no particular order here is a list of things that I did during my six week stay in Darmstadt, Hessen in Germany. That's right, I'm making a list. Deal with it! 

• Over the course of six weeks I ate only 15 non-vegan meals, and didn't really miss meat
• I only rode in a car twice
• I rode the tram and bus a lot, illegally, without a pass
• went to a 20's theme party during first weekend here, and a stranger handed me a McDonald's cheeseburger. So, I ate it. 
• Mairine and I cooked a lot of meals, all vegan
• pizza
• chilli
• enchilladas
• lots of pasta
• burnt burgers
• lots of oatmeal
• Ate döner kebabs. They're amazing! 
• Visited Dieberg where I have ancestry. It was dark and cold, and we showed up late. So, I didn't get many pictures
• Visited Marburg, where Mairine used to live and study. Also, the Brothers Grimm did their writing there. 
• stayed with Mairine's friend Paula
• met Mairine's brother, Magnus, for coffee
• Went to many bars in Darmstadt
• Körne
• Hercules
• The Hobbit
• Kessel
• Bambus
• Shots
• Enjoyed the saunas at the Jugendstilbad
• Visited the Mathildenhöhe and the Vortex Garden
• Took over 800 pictures
• Saw at Star Trek double feature at the Technische Universität alongside a bunch of nerds, and unintentionally got drunk
• laid in the hammock on Mairine's balcony with Mairine a lot
• helped move a piano
• carved a pumpkin
• went to a haunted house
• participated in a St. Martin's parade with glow-in-the-dark balloons as our lanterns
• witnessed the first snowfall of the season on the same day the Christmas market opened
• hung a lock on the bridge near the Korne with Mairine
• Had a birthday dinner at an amazing French restaurant with Mairine's friend and colleague, Brigitte
• Drank a lot of beer and booze
• Budweiser Urquell
• Darmstädter Pilsner
• Darmstädter Braustäub'l
• Grohe Bock
• Pfungstädter
• sambuca shots!
• Glühwein (spiced warm wine)
• Laternchen (strong cider pint with cherry wine glass inside)
• Mairine and I read to each other from "The Halloween Tree" and "Where the Sidewalk Ends"
• Watched a lot of movies with Mairine
• Met a lot of great new people
• Leon, Sarah, Elke, Sante, Daniel, Alex, Nina, Pelle, Eric, Melanie, Vivian, Paul, Eleni, Brigitte, Paula, Fabian
• didn't shave at all, and grew in a thick beard
• had a fight, had some drinks, danced, laughed, cried, loved

All and all it was an amazing trip, and I'm not looking forward to leaving Mairine and this place. However, I have things I need to take care of stateside in order to be with her again. We both we have things we need to take care of. I look forward to visiting again, probably in the summer to see Mairine and everyone. 

As far as all my family and friends in the states go, I'll be seeing you soon. 

Again, sincerest apologies for more ramblings. More artwork info coming soon, just as soon as I get back to the states. 

~3

Nightmares and Pumpkins

So, I just had this dream... errrr nightmare. I was laying in bed with Mairine, and the room was the same as the bedroom, except it was furbished in old dark wood from floor to ceiling. Past the room there was a long hallway, and then what felt like stairs that led upstairs. I knew the floor above us was haunted, and no one lived there. Think a bit like the attic in Beetlejuice. The first night I attempted to go upstairs for some reason. Perhaps I wanted to see what it is like or talk to "ghosts". I remember passing down the hallway, and up the stairs. Then I started feeling dizzy and fainted. I woke up the next night in bed, asleep. I could feel the presence of something there, but I wasn't entirely receptive to it. So, when I woke up to look around there was nothing. The next night as we laid in bed Mairine turned to me and said asked me if I saw the little ghost crawling under the door. I stared at the dark wooden door, but couldn't see much of anything. Then I saw a faint light, very faint. It moved in under the door, and walked along the side of the wall. As it walked the light took the shape of a cute little person about 7 centimeters in height. It walked along the floor against the wall, until it got to the corner. The whole time the light from it grew brighter and whiter and defined the shape of the little person. Then it arrived at the corner, and began crawling up the wall like a baby. When it got a little above the middle of the wall the light began to grow red. It grew an intense rich red, and the shape of the person was highlighted in purple.  The light started growing brighter and brighter until the entire room was filled with red and everything in it was outlined in purple. Think old horror films when they would change the colors of the scene to red and purple for a moment to make you uneasy. That's what happened for a split second, and then it quickly dissipated, and the ghost person was gone. Immediately after that there was a scuffle outside the door. The knob began to turn, and the door opened. Behind the door from the shadows a group of teenagers shuffled in. My immediate response was to leap out of bead, and bolt towards them with my hand cocked in order to swat them down in hopes that my hand would blow right through them. However, when I brought my hand down it made contact with them. I was taken back by this, and stood there as more and more of them shuffled in. All different kinds of teenagers of all different kinds of races and ethnicity. They didn't talk either. They had a look of dazed contentment on their faces. They flooded in and filled the room. Towards the end the differences in them were becoming more alien. Their eyes were becoming bigger than normal, and one of them even had a visible brain. It wasn't as if it were cut open, but just born without a skull on top and the brain exposed. I remember Mairine passing me, and getting lost in the hallway of these estranged children. It was as if they were all congregating in the room for a meeting. Then, just as they came into the room they started to leave. I saw Mairine come back in from the hallway, and I asked if she could believe what just happened. She told me that one of them talked to her. She said one of them asked where a person was, and she said that she would meet them later at the Goethe Apotheke, which is a chain of drugstores around here. She then told me not to worry because she wouldn't meet them and didn't have any information for them. The next night is kind of a blur. I remember their looming presence growing closer and stronger. I started to scream because I couldn't move. While I was screaming in my dream I knew I was also making noises while I was asleep. This prompted Mairine to wake me up. So, I woke up. I haven't had a nightmare in quite sometime. I find them particularly interesting. I don't really know why I'm sharing this. I know I wanted to write it down in order to help commit it to memory, but any thoughts on this would certainly be welcomed. I love hearing what other people think. 

Also, we carved a pumpkin last night! We've had this pumpkin since Halloween. We walked around all day looking for good carving pumpkins, but we couldn't find any to our liking. Most of them were too small or too lop-sided. Then we went to the main train station in order to pick up wine on a Sunday because that's the only place we could get it. The grocery store was a madhouse so we decided to ditch on the wine. However, on our way out a group of youth that had set up a Halloween display in the station walked by us with a wheelbarrow of a couple of pumpkins that they had used in the display. They asked if we wanted them. We took two, but mine had a fungus infection. So, it slowly got sicker and sicker as the days went by. It's still sitting outside on the deck as I type this. Poor thing. We had planned to carve it, and use the insides to make pumpkin spiced pancakes. However, we never seemed to get around to it. So, last night we decided that this will happen, and we went all sorts of Eddie Scissorhands on it. Mairine's roommate, Eric, even joined in on the cuttery. I'm quite pleased with the result, and because the pumpkin was so thick it stayed fresh, and we have plenty of pumpkin meat for pancakes.

Our first thought was to carve a Christmas pumpkin, but then I suggested stars and hearts. It was fast, fun, and fairly easy. Thank goodness for Eric's utility knife with a saw otherwise this would not have been possible. I also like the idea of a jack-o-lantern being carved after Halloween, but before Christmas that expresses neither. The idea for stars and hearts just popped into my head, but after stars aligning for hearts to embrace it seems particularly poignant. 

Sorry about yet another long rambling, but I wanted to get this dream out of my head. There will be more work postings soon. Thanks for reading! 

~ 3

Guten Morgen!

Good Morning!

It is certainly that. Well, I was supposed to leave Germany yesterday, and return stateside. However, it appears that this crazy life and my amazing friends have made it possible for me to stay a little longer.

A big thank you to Sherry and Brigitte! 

Without them I wouldn't be here right now. However, it isn't all joy and happiness. The reason I wanted to stay in the first place is not only to be with Mairine a bit longer before another long period of separation, but be here for her as well. Her grandmother passed shortly after I arrived, and we were both eternally grateful that I was physically present through all of that. Ever since then her grandfather hasn't been doing so well. He went into the hospital yesterday because the doctor visited and informed him that his kidney is failing, and he needs to go in.

I will be here another six days, until the 26th, and I hopefully all will go well with her grandfather. While we wait for news we will both be taking advantage of these few more days that we have. We spent last night enjoying some amazing Persian food, and simply relished in the presence of each other. We also exchanged departing gifts early.

I drew in and wrote an inscription in a book, Where the Sidewalk Ends by Shel Silverstein (one of my favorites growing up), I brought Mairine as a belated birthday gift, and she gave me an egg she found along with a lock of her hair, that I love so much. The egg is beautiful, and not only do I like eggs, but this one is particularly important to both of us. Mairine had a dream involving myself and an egg, and then later while she was cleaning through her stuff she found this egg, which she had forgotten she had. I also felt like a knight receiving a lock of a princess' hair. #Imadork

Another plus is that I will be able to see the Christmas markets before leaving, and hopefully say goodbye to some new friends as well. Supposedly the Christmas markets here are insane. I've seen them setting up for about a week now. There will be plenty of pictures.

In other news, my work has been at a bit of slowdown during this stay. I had planned on working on a comic strip, a drawing series, and two sketches for upcoming paintings. I didn't get all of that done, as planned. However, once I return stateside I'll be, if all goes as planned, starting classes to get my Bachelor's in Graphic Arts & Master's in Business Management at Robert Morris University, looking for a job, looking for a place to live, working on those projects, and enjoying this crazy life.

More work postings to come.

~ 3

Behancing Germany

Well, for those following me on the Facebooks and Twitters I'm sure you've noticed a flood of Behance posts. That's because I just set up a Behance account, quite obviously. In other news I've been in Germany since mid October to see the lovely Mairine before I return stateside and continue my education in the graphic arts in December. In my off time here I've spent it setting up social media accounts, dusting off and updating others, and working on sketches for other projects, primarily a comic strip, two upcoming paintings, and a drawing series.

As I mentioned before I set up a Behance account. On top of that I've set up a store at Society6 which allows for the purchase of my art as framed art prints, stretched canvases, stationary cards, device cases & skins, throw pillows, tote bags, and mugs. The link for that store is now in my SHOP tab. Check it out, won't you?

I'm quite fond of the Behance community. I just uploaded my work and descriptions yesterday, and I've already received quite a few comments and accolades. I'll no doubt keep using the site, and keep the blog updated as well.

In the meantime enjoy these pictures of Mairine and I from Germany!

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Check me out on Behance here.
http://www.behance.net/3kalb

Check out all the fun things you can buy emblazoned with 3kalbian art here.
http://society6.com/BlakeDetherage

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~3

Drink It In

I now have a Society6 page set up, and from there you can get your very own piece of 3kalbian history. Society6 has framed art prints, stretched canvases, phone and tablet cases, throw pillows, mugs, and tote bags. Call up Heisenberg or rest your head on Vader. Check out the shop now, and tell your friends!

~3

Etsy Made a Wetsy

Something is up with my Etsy shop. I don't know what's happening, and I don't have time to deal with it right now. I guess it isn't that much of a loss at the moment seeing as the only items I have for sale right now are 18" x 12" Hunter S. Thompson prints. Which, by the way, if you're interested in you can send me an e-mail at ekalb13@gmail.com. Wouldn't this look great above your toilet? BULLSEYE!

~ 3

He Sang Me A Song

"The Piano Man" piece has sold! I wasn't there for the exchange, but from what I understand a lovely couple from Dallas, TX bought the piece. Apparently, they were in town for some contractual work, and upon seeing the piece hanging up at Obed & Isaac's they decided they wanted it. They even opted to pay for shipping in order to have it shipped back to their home. In the end we (Nick and I) decided we would pay for half of the shipping costs out of the overhead of the price. We care more about giving good art good homes than making money off of them. Big thanks to Obed & Isaac's for supporting local artists. Check out Obed & Isaac's for delicious microbrews and foods.

From what I understand Obed & Isaac's has recently hung the last remaining painting from my Star Wars Helmet Speak series, "Troopers". So, stop on in and give it a gander, and if you like it don't be afraid to tell your friends or drop some cash on it. 

I've also decided to donate a portion of my return on this painting to Artists for a Cause. I want to give back where I can, and from this point on a portion of all my sales will go towards a charity. Artists for a Cause is a great national not-for-profit group that diversifies it's funds among programs that use arts to help improve communities and donating to other charities for research and help such as The Leukemia and Lymphoma Society, The Boys and Girls Club, Human Rights Campaign, and The Humane Society. 

Learn more about Artists for a Cause here or find them on Facebook here. 

Learn more about Obed & Isaac's here or find them on Facebook here. 

~ 3

Closer to the Heart

So, I got out of a relationship awhile back ago, and it was really hard for me. I loved this girl more than I've ever loved anyone in my entire life. It was an intensity that sparks revolutions and James Cameron films. Ugh. I just typed that. Regardless, she dropped me on my ass completely off guard. She walked out of my life and left me at the lowest I've ever been on all levels; emotionally, financially, confidently. However, I'm coming out of it with a lot of help from my amazing friends. They've been so magnificently patient and understanding with me through all of this. Yet, still I wasn't able to push through. I, as they say, needed closure. However, I realized I wasn't going to get any from her. So, I think after stewing about it for too long my brain realized that I needed to move on too, and the first step was closure. So, I gave myself a little dream....

What you are about to read is the transcription of a dream I had. It was an incredibly vivid dream, and to this day I still remember every detail like it happened yesterday. It's certainly not literary art by any means, but it is pure imagination and emotion. 

We sat in my mom's living room. I was sitting on the corner of the couch, and she was sitting on the chair next to it. The arms of the furniture that we sat in almost touched each other at a 90 degree angle, and there was a small square end table in the corner between our furniture. We both looked around the room, and pointed at an empty end table between two chairs. 

 "How about that one?" I said. 

"That one would be good, don't you think? But, maybe it's too big," she said. She was referring to finding a small end table to place a small decorative Christmas tree on. I looked over at the end table she was referring to. It was too big for the tree we had in mind, but it was just the right size for the small decorative tree my mom has, which happens to be bigger than our decorative tree. I looked at another end table that was a bit smaller. 

I pointed at it, and said, "That's true, plus my mom uses it..." My words trailed off as I looked over at her to tell her about the other end table. I just stared at her with the biggest stupidest grin on my face. Then I got up from the couch, and walked over to her chair. I sat on my knees, and rested my arms on her knees. Then, I just looked up at her. We were both in pajamas. I was wearing my green plaid pajamas and a t-shirt, she was wearing her baby blue old man jammy's. She always looked like an angel in those. When I looked up at her the light from the window shined down around her, and her short tossled hair caught the light and, if you squinted just right, you could see a halo over her. She caught my big goofy smile, and flashed one right back. Her eyes were almost squinting because her smile was so big. She always had the most amazing eyes. Dark blues on the outside that gave way to light specks of lighter blues and hazels. It was like staring into a whole new universe. She knew I was lost in her, and let it linger for a moment. Then she looked back down at me and laughed. It wasn't a cackle or chortle, but a heavenly laugh through pearly whites. The kind that comforts the sick and dying. The kind that welcomes in the poor and weak. It was the laugh that came from the soul.

"What?" I said to her, knowing that I didn't need to say anything at all. 

"You know what. You just don't want to say it," she said back. At that moment I did know. It washed over me like a warm ocean wave, and then rolled back. 

"I'm dreaming, aren't I?" I asked her. 

"Yes." She replied back. At that moment she got up and walked over to the piano bench. When I turned around she was no longer wearing her old man jammy's. She was in her Rock Revival jeans, and a white t-shirt that had been cut up along the back. Her purple lace bra was showing, and I couldn't have imagined a better vision to dream about. She smiled and looked at me. 

"Let me try," I said enthusiastically. Then I closed my eyes and turned around. When I opened them I was wearing my jeans with the fake back pockets that she liked so much, a baby blue dress shirt, with the sleeves rolled up, my favorite tie, an orange number with patterns including blue, teal, and baby blue, and a brown vertically striped vest. I looked back up at her, and she smiled back at me. 

Then she got up and playfully ran off laughing out of the living room, and through the kitchen. I chased her laughter as she went downstairs. I caught up with her downstairs. There were toys adorning the walls and clustered around the floor. There was a furnace and hot water heater in the middle of the basement as well. We spent the next few minutes trying on funny hats and giving our new personas silly voices. Then it turned to tosses stuffed animals at each other. She then got up and ran around the hot water heater with a stuffed animal. I knew she was there, but I couldn't see her. She popped out around the corner and tossed it at me. It hit me in the head and fell to the ground. As she ran around to get another one I reached out and grabbed her arm. She went to move, and I pulled her in closer. 

Her smile brightened, and she said, "Let me go." 

"No," I replied back. 

"Are you afraid to not see me?" she said. 

"Yes," I said, as tears began to rush down my face. I remember making the worst cry face along with them.

"That's adorable," she said with a playful smile, and I laughed through the tears. Then I swallowed them back. 

"I'm afraid that if I can't see you I'll never see you again." Then she faded from my arms, and I was left alone in the basement surrounded by toys. 

I woke up in a puddle of tears. I knew it was over. I would never see the girl I loved again. Good bye.

~3

...from the desk of 3kalbia

Love makes us do crazy things. It makes us smile and laugh for no reason at all. It makes us cry uncontrollably. It makes us sing and dance, and write songs, and act silly. Love makes us believe in the impossible, and it leads us to leave everything behind to chase a dream. That is a love worth living for. That is a love worth fighting for.

"I Have You Now"

It appears I've sold another painting. The "Vader" which I had hanging at Obed & Isaac's here in town has sold. It was a much needed boost in the right direction. I know when I turned it in I had quite a few people come up and ask me about it as I was prepping it for hanging. One of the employees there even said that he'd like to buy it, and that "it won't be here long". Which sounded like a threat if taken out of context, but I saw it as affirmation that what I've done was dare I say, good? The aforementioned "long" that he spoke of was about eight weeks, but that's not that bad. The "Troopers" painting should be going up to take it's place, and currently the Johnny Depp tribute piece, "The Piano Man" is still on the wall there as well.

Thanks again, Obed & Isaac's for supporting local artists, and to whomever bought the piece thank you! I hope you enjoy it as much as I did making it.

Goodbye, Vader. I'll always remember you.

Fett Is Sucked Into the Sarlacc Pitt of Nirav

My friend Nirav purchased the original "Fett" from the Star Wars Helmet Speak series. Here he stands proudly with a goofy grin on his face for me. Thanks for the picture, Nirav. He tells me he is going to add it to his Wall O' Geek, but I have yet to see it done. I'm still waiting. Nirav works for an amazing grassroots organization called Action Now that focuses on informing and mobilizing families in local communities in order to improve the conditions of those communities and neighborhoods.

Read more about Action Now and/or get involved through their blog or Facebook page.

The other two pieces, "Vader" and "Troopers", are still for sale. Contact me if interested.

Thanks again, Nirav!

Nirav w/ "Fett" There was a horrible glare in this photo. My apologies. 

~3

Life Keeps Going and So Do I

So as I mentioned earlier things have been kind of rough lately. 2013 hasn't particularly been the best year for me. I pretty much lost everything, and am slowly working my way back up one step at a time. The past few months has been a slow progression of one step forward and three steps back. There have been lots of downfalls, and at times I've felt like giving up. Hell, at times I have, and slept in... late. However, I won't get anywhere doing that, and I'm here to prove the point that no matter what happens to you you'll still be standing afterwards. I've been on one might call a sabbatical. I've been getting back in touch with old friends and making new ones. Work has been sporadic at best, but I still manage to get by. I've got a couple of new jobs lined up, and before I know it I'll be back in Chicago to finish what I started years ago. However, until then I'll be working and living it up in Springfield. Here's a quick recap of the past few days...

How can I sum up the last few days? I don't know, but I'll try. *big INHALE* Jetskis & boats. Upperdeck drinking at the Alamo. Dancing on the stage at Catch-22. Late night downtown wandering while my parked car took a hit & run. Anxiety here and there leading to mild GI problems. Missed work. Stayed up until 6:30am to watch the sunrise through the clouds with 4 amazing friends. Then we constructed a two room multi-tier pillow & sheet fort complete with a light that we all fell asleep under. All day lakeside drinking & grilling with a large group of amazing friends for my birthday. Pissing into the lake at night while staring down a nigh-Supermoon. Dancing asses off at Station House. Late night rendezvous with a super secret chocolaty cream-filled spy. Frisbee time in 90 degree weather with an ultra-creative angel on Earth. Missed work. Bike ride to Lincoln's nose in the rain. Turned in apps. Turned in apps. Bird pooped in my car. Start a new job on Thursday. Interview tomorrow. Was told to expect calls from two other restaurants as well. So, this is 31.

Back with a Portfolio

Sorry about the absence, world, but I've been going through some personal stuff lately. On the upside I have set up a portfolio site over at Coroflot. You can reach it by clicking on the portfolio link up above in the word menu. What are you still doing here? Go check it out. It's got some recent work that I haven't posted here yet, but I will be soon. It also has some older stuff that I haven't posted here.

~3